Before I surrender my resting rights to the BiologyGod,
I would like to just say a few things.
I DON'T GET REALITY TV.
I know we've all been (are still ) a sucker for these babies
(I watch Kardashians on repeat, seriously even it annoys ME!)
They've got loads on the telly now and the one thing I can't STAND IS!
Having reality television shows like 'The Bachelor'
For those who have been living under a rock for about ever, 'The Bachelor' is basically about said titlesake who gets to choose the love of his life out of a house full of,I don't know,10,15 girls?
Yeah,you're suppose to WIN to marry him.
I remember the first time watching my first episode of reality tv.
It was in fact 'The Bachelor' actually! I was in my final year of primary school, on a school trip to Langkawi. So after dinner and stuff me and a bunch of girls got really bored and decided to check out what was on tv.
(GIRLS, IT'S US:JOANNA WONG,WONG JYEN YIEE AND TRINA YEAP)
Jo and Jyen Yiee started watching it first,but then halfway into the conversation I noticed that only Trina and I were talking.
The two were stuck,with similar stuck expressions...watching...watching..watching.
I thought that it was such a dumb show to watch,LIKE HONESTLY SO STUPID.
But 10 minutes later,
I was suddenly watching the damn show too,along with Trina.
THE BEST PART: I think it was some marathon so Jyen Yiee and I didn't make it past the door and ended up bunking with Jo and Trina (I was sharing a room with Jyen Yiee)
Truth is,reality tv sucks you in!
It's quite literally the satan of tv genres.
Even after watching it I still thought it was so freaking stupid.
WHO THE HELL wants to forgo their dignity just for a chance to possibly:
a) Attention whore
(Honestly speaking. About 73% of the girls in the show were probably in it for that)
b) To get the money
(The other part about 'The Bachelor' is that he suddenly chooses you,you get a choice of marrying him or keeping the money)
c) REALLY really bored
(The girl must like live in a nunnery or something)
d)She lost her job
(WELL this is sort of a valid reason right? But then again it will be a+b)
e)Looking for true love
(Because you'd definitely find her in a villa full of bitchy girls coveting for you-or just the $$$)
I think you'd make more valid fame and cash through being a PLAYBOY BUNNY.
At least these girls are not lying about "finding true love" when they're showing off their boobies.
If you really want to show them,JUST SHOW THEM.
Just please do not find some lame excuse to meet your one true love. Seriously.
Plus if you choose the money over the guy,man you are a slut and the guy. Ouch dude.
SECOND thing I quite dislike about reality tv is...
Making reality tv shows about people who don't even need one.
Guliana and Bill.
I have not (will not) watch this because....
I know Guliana is an E! NEWS caster but they aren't even celebrities.
I think 'Newlyweds' made more sense than THIS!
I really don't know who he is to be honest.
My dad said he was on some show he won.
"OH OH! I think he won Amazing Race couple years back!
I googled him and he was NOT in Amazing Race.
He was in 'The Apprentice'
And was "fired".
I am not trying to be all cool and shit but if you want REAL drama?
TV execs should consider giving my paternal family a show.
Oh you'd watch that.
But alls well, ends well.
You know why I can't hate them
(Aside the fact that I am TOO morally inclined (:0 )
Kakak has already turned the air conditioning off 20 minutes ago,and still here I am.In bed.
Wiping sleep from my eyes and just staring at the empty bunk bed on top of me.
I wonder why I'm not profusely sweating underneath the thick comforters. Then I remember I'm wearing just a thin black tank and black underwear. I reach for my thick-rimmed black glasses and I feel this all-black thing I have going on is probably quite reflective of how I feel now.
NOT DEATH MORONS.
Just kind of empathetic.
I want to curl up in my bed and just do nothing.
But when I have the time I know I will never do that,because as lazy as I am,I am extremely unable to sit and do nothing for hours end.
I'm not actually sure if angry is the right word to use.
It probably isn't. But I'm really sad that mommy is going to Jakarta.
I think my mother is my security blanket cos I don't feel safe when she is around.
And I hate to hate feeling this way,but actually I hate feeling this way anyway (?)
You know stepping into FormFive,I really felt like a lot of things would become simpler.
I dropped Chemistry for English Lit.
BUT Englsih Lit. is as hard as hell (I still love it though please do not misinterpret)
I sort of have this 'unspoken' freedom.
For example,on weekdays,I'm actually not allowed on the laptop but I do anyway.
(the reason why I am not allowed to? My brother doesn't exactly follow the rules so...)
BUT now I get this guilt trip whenever I am on the laptop (Note:I feel guilty but I don't do anything about it)
After loosing 2% of the weight I wanted to loose,I thought eating healthily would help.
But this does not apply because I eat a lot. But then I feel so bad for not eating healthily (see note above) HENCE I eat again.
I had serious prospects on serious studying. Everyday kind of thing. And well it works...for about 20 minutes then I zone out. And then there are days where I am at Chapter SEVENTEEN magazine and basically do not move and...you get the picture.
And basically the list goes on.
I don't want to bore you with the fact that OH BOOHOO MY LIFE IS TERRIBLE. Because it isn't.
And I'm not going to cry and tell you that my life is over because I'm fat. Because it's not/I'm not.
It's just the simpler you think life will be,it will just get back to square one,ie:hard (or harder!?)
BUT what can I do right?
I think I am a lot less dramatic compared to couple years back. YAY?
Eager to start the day or to get it done with,I'm not sure.
But I rub the crusty sleep out of my eyes and trot on my tippy toes to the bathroom sink.
I don't think I can do with the extravagance of a limo picking me up everyday,but I would actually not mind a driver.
My past transporter had been somewhat of a money sucker but since most transports don't really lean towards picking up in my area I stood by that one.
Late last year I found one-my current transport-and passed it to my mom.
Turns out we've been paying about quadriple the amount to the old one.
The only downside to this years transport is that I wake EVERYDAY and the Godforsaken hour of 5.30am.
(More so I roll around till six,but if I got up at six I would REALLY actually get up at 6.30)
So that includes me rushing to shower 5 minutes prior to him-my transport- reaching.
I long for the days I had a comfort of a driver but somehow my family has always gotten the rotten luck of a bad,irresponsible driver. (Though blessed with an amazing Kakak,who has been with me since I was 7) And now my parents give me the excuse that they'd need to buy a new car if the driver came along as none of them are willing to give up their cars.
So they await the day I finally drive.-How honestly thoughtful!-
Though I must say I do sort of enjoy the quiet of the transport.
Following the as said transport include a pair of twins,a chinese boy and chinese girl. All form three. A form four girl whom I have sort of befriended since she is the only one who talks,sometimes. And a lone other FormFive boy who apparently is of mixed parentage as well-though he doesn't look like it,but that totally is besides the point.-
Mornings are usually started with me greeting him and him grunting politely-it is sort of possible,isn't it?- and the rest of the journey left bumping,nodding in silence. It's too dark to read my book so I usually,hum and sing-sometimes I even remember some chinese songs that have been playing on repeat on the radio-and pray I don't fall asleep on someones shoulder.
Which I have,just so you know.Many times before.
Since only the other FormFive boy-let's call him J- is the only one who stays in my area.
Both of us sit behind with the FormThree Chinese girl.
The little cute old uncle who is our transporter drives only second to that guy whose name escapes my mind as of now. That guy from TopGear,what do we call him? The Stig. right him.
He speeds through speed bumps leaving us half flying.
And makes impossibly sharp turns. Sometimes I forget he's a cute little old uncle and think he's some kind of mad automobile test driver-which in my defense I LIKE-but not in an uncomfortable Avanza. Which is very uncomfortable, I might add.
the journey home adjourns with me reading The Time Travellers Wife. I have yet to put down that book, simply because I have no time to finish it just yet. I am left engrossed in my own thoughts of babymaking and Henry and Kimy and The Meodowlark house, I almost forget that my bag is placed between me and J,leaving him very little space to sit comfortably in,let alone breathe. Embarrassed, I mutter a small sorry and inch closer to the window,where he nods to say thanks. Usually we look and each other and share an awkward but yet totally fitting smile shared by two people who understand the moment of that moment. When Uncle makes gravity defying turns leaving us bumping into each other,grasping hand railings,bags,edges of windows and very seldomnly, each other at the tips and edges of our uniform so we don't make anymore semi awkward touches.
After that the ride is just usually silence. Me back to my book and him to his thoughts.
the sunlight leaves me tired and hungry and eventhough I never get sea,car,plane or -insert anything- sick,it leaves me a little dizzy and I put the book down. I look outside the window guessing peoples life stories and make vast assumptions that the old lady in the floral print batik shirt may actually have some dark past to hide. I pass dark coloured cars,buildings and I see my reflection,if only for a minute, sometimes I look tired but other times I see the longingness in my eyes to somehow break free of this cage I'm in.
I'm in front of my house,I can hear my baby dog bark.
I whisper a quiet bye, and thank Uncle and gather my things to leave.
It's the second day of the second week and I feel so suffocated,
Sitting on the old benches in the RoyalSelangorClub's rest room waiting for Mae to be done with her hair. I kept thinking on how much I actually know about FormFour. Not very much if you wanted to guess.
I've been attempting to do my homework since but I feel a big chunk of myself undid, like a piece of me, the stitches left undone.
I feel as though the clock ticks three times as fast and everything is going, gone before I have firmly placed my grasp on it.
I've been blessed with responsibilities this year and unlike the last year, I do not plan to let anyone down.
I'm not a perfectionist but you could say that I am mostly afraid of the HUMILIATION failure brings, for I am not afraid of failure itself.
I miss the simplicity of sitting in the cabins, watching the sunrise while doing add math.
I miss the chee cheong fun in the canteen, the only thing I eat.
I miss feeling desolate in FormThree when I SHOULD BE paying attention.
I miss the prefects lounge, I used to belong there.
I miss the talks I used to have with "Daddy" Shaun LZQ on religion.
I miss falling asleep on Alex's lap during scouts camp.
I miss talking on the phone with Sophie.
I miss Kak Trina reading my mind.
I miss Callie's random texts.
I miss Nicole's HEHEHAHAHUHU in texts
I miss Ry's big eyes.
I miss Joyce's "I FEEL YOU"
How can you miss something that's right in front of you?
When you know soon enough, it's going to be taken away from you.
Let's see how much you know about me&how much I'll actually reveal.
Little notes to etch your curiousity.
11# When I want to start anything,the time must be end with eithe '0' or a '5'. For example if it was 4.08pm I can only start at 4.10pm. I DON'T KNOW WHY