Thursday, June 17, 2010

You want to know how to drive me absolutely crazy.
How to make my inside do double flips.

Oh baby you're doing it all right.

Been on the laptop since 10am.
Showered and had lunch (cos I don't think it'll be brunch any longer since it was 1pm).
Drowning myself in as much trance as possible. I always feel so 'lost' in trance. Perhaps that is why they call it trance.

I've been/am going in constant circles.

I want to go back to the AKLTG camp and stay there a lil' longer. I want to mojo back.


Staring at an empty document page. How long more will this take?
My thighs are hot from the ventilation of the laptop. Scarred from the indents of the laptop vent.
Red,hot and scarred.
But I still find myself backspacing every letter I type.
Everything is wrong. Everything is not right.

My room (I am) is a mess.
I need to fix this shit up pronto.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

A wise man (well he is every right a man in my heart, attune to his facial hair as well c(: )
once told me that I am not complicated.

But I infact just somehow seem to manage to complicate the most simplest of things.
I know.

I do.

I don't know where you are,what you do,but I hope my heart it goes to find you.

Friday, May 21, 2010

Reality Television

Before I surrender my resting rights to the BiologyGod,
I would like to just say a few things.


I know we've all been (are still ) a sucker for these babies
(I watch Kardashians on repeat, seriously even it annoys ME!)

They've got loads on the telly now and the one thing I can't STAND IS!

Having reality television shows like 'The Bachelor'

For those who have been living under a rock for about ever, 'The Bachelor' is basically about said titlesake who gets to choose the love of his life out of a house full of,I don't know,10,15 girls?
Yeah,you're suppose to WIN to marry him.

I remember the first time watching my first episode of reality tv.
It was in fact 'The Bachelor' actually! I was in my final year of primary school, on a school trip to Langkawi. So after dinner and stuff me and a bunch of girls got really bored and decided to check out what was on tv.


Jo and Jyen Yiee started watching it first,but then halfway into the conversation I noticed that only Trina and I were talking.
The two were stuck,with similar stuck expressions...watching...watching..watching.
I thought that it was such a dumb show to watch,LIKE HONESTLY SO STUPID.

But 10 minutes later,

I was suddenly watching the damn show too,along with Trina.
THE BEST PART: I think it was some marathon so Jyen Yiee and I didn't make it past the door and ended up bunking with Jo and Trina (I was sharing a room with Jyen Yiee)

Truth is,reality tv sucks you in!
It's quite literally the satan of tv genres.

Even after watching it I still thought it was so freaking stupid.
WHO THE HELL wants to forgo their dignity just for a chance to possibly:

a) Attention whore
(Honestly speaking. About 73% of the girls in the show were probably in it for that)

b) To get the money
(The other part about 'The Bachelor' is that he suddenly chooses you,you get a choice of marrying him or keeping the money)

c) REALLY really bored
(The girl must like live in a nunnery or something)

d)She lost her job
(WELL this is sort of a valid reason right? But then again it will be a+b)

e)Looking for true love
(Because you'd definitely find her in a villa full of bitchy girls coveting for you-or just the $$$)

I think you'd make more valid fame and cash through being a PLAYBOY BUNNY.
At least these girls are not lying about "finding true love" when they're showing off their boobies.
If you really want to show them,JUST SHOW THEM.
Just please do not find some lame excuse to meet your one true love. Seriously.

Plus if you choose the money over the guy,man you are a slut and the guy. Ouch dude.

SECOND thing I quite dislike about reality tv is...

Making reality tv shows about people who don't even need one.

Guliana and Bill.

I have not (will not) watch this because....


I know Guliana is an E! NEWS caster but they aren't even celebrities.
I think 'Newlyweds' made more sense than THIS!

And Bill?
I really don't know who he is to be honest.

My dad said he was on some show he won.
"OH OH! I think he won Amazing Race couple years back!
I googled him and he was NOT in Amazing Race.
He was in 'The Apprentice'

And was "fired".

I am not trying to be all cool and shit but if you want REAL drama?
TV execs should consider giving my paternal family a show.

Oh you'd watch that.

But alls well, ends well.
You know why I can't hate them
(Aside the fact that I am TOO morally inclined (:0 )

Saved by the wedding photo.
You know I've never credited myself to being somewhat artistic in well the drawing,painting department.
I think drawing stick men and graphs are as far as my drawing capabilities go.
(I would to add that I don't know how to draw graphs well either)

So I'm guessing all it takes is a little boredom, a still subject, being too free
(And basically intending to spend the remaining time during your history exam doing something sort of 'beneficial')

It's not Alex okay?

Monday, May 17, 2010

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Slowly, I breathed out a loud sigh.
Kakak has already turned the air conditioning off 20 minutes ago,and still here I am.In bed.
Wiping sleep from my eyes and just staring at the empty bunk bed on top of me.
I wonder why I'm not profusely sweating underneath the thick comforters. Then I remember I'm wearing just a thin black tank and black underwear. I reach for my thick-rimmed black glasses and I feel this all-black thing I have going on is probably quite reflective of how I feel now.


Just kind of empathetic.

I want to curl up in my bed and just do nothing.
But when I have the time I know I will never do that,because as lazy as I am,I am extremely unable to sit and do nothing for hours end.
I wish I was that lazy though.

Because that's what I really need right now.
To retire into the cold air and sleep.

I can't bring myself to do anything right now.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

I'm not actually sure if angry is the right word to use.
It probably isn't. But I'm really sad that mommy is going to Jakarta.
I think my mother is my security blanket cos I don't feel safe when she is around.
And I hate to hate feeling this way,but actually I hate feeling this way anyway (?)

You know stepping into FormFive,I really felt like a lot of things would become simpler.

I dropped Chemistry for English Lit.
BUT Englsih Lit. is as hard as hell (I still love it though please do not misinterpret)

I sort of have this 'unspoken' freedom.
For example,on weekdays,I'm actually not allowed on the laptop but I do anyway.
(the reason why I am not allowed to? My brother doesn't exactly follow the rules so...)
BUT now I get this guilt trip whenever I am on the laptop (Note:I feel guilty but I don't do anything about it)

After loosing 2% of the weight I wanted to loose,I thought eating healthily would help.
But this does not apply because I eat a lot. But then I feel so bad for not eating healthily (see note above) HENCE I eat again.

I had serious prospects on serious studying. Everyday kind of thing. And well it works...for about 20 minutes then I zone out. And then there are days where I am at Chapter SEVENTEEN magazine and basically do not move get the picture.

And basically the list goes on.

I don't want to bore you with the fact that OH BOOHOO MY LIFE IS TERRIBLE. Because it isn't.
And I'm not going to cry and tell you that my life is over because I'm fat. Because it's not/I'm not.

It's just the simpler you think life will be,it will just get back to square one,ie:hard (or harder!?)

BUT what can I do right?
I think I am a lot less dramatic compared to couple years back. YAY?


Thursday, May 13, 2010

they are toned and wonderful.
you are beautiful all the same.

(ps. I have bad ones in my possession so don't make me do it sister!?)

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Ilm Faheem

Ilm, you are so beautiful.
Tok Bak would have loved you.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Sunday, May 09, 2010

Seth and Summer (:

So this is pretty much how productive Nostalgia is. yeah.

Wednesday, May 05, 2010

I think it really helps to be good looking!

Not just in my defence on disagreeing to Pn. Mag's essay,but...

1#It'll be really hard for me to get angry at you
2#Even if I try to (really really hard) I WILL end up laughing/smiling.
3#You have the tendency to be nicer to them.

I think everyone does that and if you say no,you are kind of lying.
Not that I'm not nice to people who don't look good because

I don't really think I've ever classified anyone as ugly enough to be mean to them!
But that could mean I could be just a really nice person.

Or so I tell myself.

Damn you're genes!

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

marshmallows in the sky

Each new shape is quite amusing:
Puffs to great majestic towers
Building for their loving gift
To bless the earth with vital showers.

My baby daughter is going to as fabulous as that

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

"That's why her hair is so big,IT'S FULL OF SECRETS!"


Apparently you get better orgasms when you need to pee.


On another note:
What if you pee at that moment?

"Come on, what would I do without you?"

I think my main problem is that I always expect a safety net at the bottom of every one of my jumps.

I like to aim at the prettiest stars right on top.
The ones that glitter the brightest in the pitch dark of the sky.
But when I can't reach it,I don't seem to want to suffice to the little ones at the bottom.
I don't know why,they glimmer too.

And sometimes they also shine the brightest.

Whilst the one at the top burns into silver ashes.
Alike my dreams.

It would be unfair if not utterly selfish for me to stay undecided.
But it is what I am.

In the coziest corners of the night,as my mind gently prods it's way through the galaxy.
I drift of and I think of...


Sunday, April 04, 2010

I just reread (SEE:stalk) Emily's old posts in her blog.

And just realized...
TWO of her post titles have Deryk Quah's name in them.

If I were him I would be afraid.
Be very afraid.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

What was left of Michelle's mani on my stubby boy fingers(2009)

Is everyone as afraid to wake up as I am, or have they left me quietly,afraid to wake me

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Really sucks

When you can't even paint your nails with the clear coat right.

When you can feel that roll of tummy.

That you can't sleep

But you can't do your Physics either cos you have no clue what to do

That you are undeniably lost

That you want to run away

But you know you will run back

How long will this crash and burn?
I don't know what holidays do to a person but I feel as if they transform you by the end of each one.

Usually the toll's pretty insignificant but after a while, you'll be able to go:
"Where did I go?"

And back at school while the hawks are trying to stuff every little bit of insignificant knowledge into our tiny over productive minds, I just blank out.

I zone out and notice really small things, like

Michelle looks so pretty with bangs.
That Shaz has amazing complexion (he even glows)
Trina sticks her tongue out a little when she's REALLY into her work
For someone with that IQ level Ke Li sure likes to sleep in class a lot
Derrick does have cute hair when the fringe isn't thin, OH SO THATS WHY HIS HAIR WASN'T THAT NICE BEFORE
Kamal's smile really can make you heeehehhhheheheh
How Krish cracks her knuckles when she's paying attention/reading her own notes/nodding her head
Sher Nie can sleep and smile at the same time (?)
Emily is so pretty with her hair up
Ashley is like a MUCH nicer version Regina from MeanGirls, just that she's Asian.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

'Blood is thicker than water'

I really had no clue we bred liars as well.
I've seen the fair share of drama that we've been through-I KNOW,it runs in the family.
But seriously? I mean I know cocky. It's in our genetic code. Pride and ego, please don't deny.
I REALLY don't care if you've done planks before and think :
"OH I bet you guys haven't done them before, you just seemed like it," because honestly I really don't care.

And there you go propogating your "family first" bull shit.
If you don't know how to use "Parents(in our case FAMILY),God,Sweat" PLEASE divert yourself from even USING the word.
Because all that's coming out of it is one big hypocritical mess which I honestly don't want to be a part of.

I love you to death and you know that it will always be that way.
But I honestly cannot take the fake faux expressions that you give me.
To what? Simply sugarcoat and sprinkle your words with glitter and magical rainbows?
Because that's going to make everything better.
Honestly being older,I felt you had more sense in that.
The point is the decisions you made just dawned upon me that you don't see beyond the looking glass.
People out there love you with a choice.
We,I,love you because we're blood and flesh.

Friday, February 26, 2010


Dita Von Tesse's kitchen. MAD

Wednesday, February 24, 2010


I am so tired but there are books piling up before my eyes,le sigh.

K told me about SATs today,cos his sister
(who got first class honours at Harvard ON A FULL PAID SCHOLARSHIP! sends shivers up my spine just writing it!)
took it and it's basically...

math+ English.
I don't mean to sound totally pompous but...

I LOVE English. I think it's a wonderful language and I enjoy writing/reading/literature&all that jazz. But I'm just okay at it.
And apparently the math is FormThree shizzles well plus a tinge of modern math BUT NO ADD MATH falalalallala.
And yeah yeah yeah the questions are tricky& my math isn't close to Terry's (HEHE tuition reference!) but..pros outweigh the cons here anytime.

I belong there.

Cannot wait till SPM is six feet under #%!^!&!@$

Sleep or study. Study or sleep.

My eyelids are about to cave

This reminds me of Sandy. Or was it Em. I can't recall.

Just a lil' some some to make sure we don't go crazy during exams.

I am determined to make a few people smile tomorrow.
Let's wait and see

Sunday, February 21, 2010


I want to change the colour of my blog.
I want to change the template.
I want to change my picture.
I want to change my blog caption.

But then again,
I want to change my face
I want to change my body
I want to change my intelligence

Human beings will never be satisfied.Never

you hit me once,I hit you back,
you gave a kick,I gave a slap
you broke a plate over my head,Then I set fire to our bed.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010


If you are reading this. Leave me a comment and your email! It's so hard to keep contact with you!


I'm outdated but..

I want to watch:-
  • UP
  • Elvis and Annabelle
  • FAME
  • Valentines Day
  • AVATAR 3D (I know it's not showing anymore,shut up)
  • St. Elmos Fire
  • Grease (again)
  • Footloose (again)
  • The entire Pirates of The Carribean saga (I know your mouths are totally gaped open, shut up)
  • The Lovely Bones
I think thats about it. Anyone kind enough to spare me their DVDs?

Totally want to watch UP. Aww the boy reminds me of my brother.

I love Adam Lambert because only HE'D do THIS. Would K.Allen? Didn't think so.

Imagine if we got together. We could share our make up and do each others hair and nails together. AWW.

The photos make me crave Krispy Kremes. UH?

Monday, February 08, 2010

"QUick everyone hold Krish and Rowy up!"

Please excuse my "not there" expression. Was too intently staring at somebody else's YOUNGER man (AHAHA HOHO!)

My class is the light of my world.
They drive me up the wall but always manage to land straight into my heart (':

Sunday, February 07, 2010

Ms. Halfway

Last week of school to Chinese New Year.

My brother has the perfect excuse for not doing his homework.
"Teacher,my dog ate my glasses."

Yes my dog did

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Oh,where did you go?

Monday, January 25, 2010

I roll out of bed tired but eager.
Eager to start the day or to get it done with,I'm not sure.
But I rub the crusty sleep out of my eyes and trot on my tippy toes to the bathroom sink.

I don't think I can do with the extravagance of a limo picking me up everyday,but I would actually not mind a driver.
My past transporter had been somewhat of a money sucker but since most transports don't really lean towards picking up in my area I stood by that one.
Late last year I found one-my current transport-and passed it to my mom.
Turns out we've been paying about quadriple the amount to the old one.

The only downside to this years transport is that I wake EVERYDAY and the Godforsaken hour of 5.30am.
(More so I roll around till six,but if I got up at six I would REALLY actually get up at 6.30)
So that includes me rushing to shower 5 minutes prior to him-my transport- reaching.

I long for the days I had a comfort of a driver but somehow my family has always gotten the rotten luck of a bad,irresponsible driver. (Though blessed with an amazing Kakak,who has been with me since I was 7) And now my parents give me the excuse that they'd need to buy a new car if the driver came along as none of them are willing to give up their cars.
So they await the day I finally drive.-How honestly thoughtful!-

Though I must say I do sort of enjoy the quiet of the transport.

Following the as said transport include a pair of twins,a chinese boy and chinese girl. All form three. A form four girl whom I have sort of befriended since she is the only one who talks,sometimes. And a lone other FormFive boy who apparently is of mixed parentage as well-though he doesn't look like it,but that totally is besides the point.-

Mornings are usually started with me greeting him and him grunting politely-it is sort of possible,isn't it?- and the rest of the journey left bumping,nodding in silence. It's too dark to read my book so I usually,hum and sing-sometimes I even remember some chinese songs that have been playing on repeat on the radio-and pray I don't fall asleep on someones shoulder.

Which I have,just so you know.Many times before.

Since only the other FormFive boy-let's call him J- is the only one who stays in my area.
Both of us sit behind with the FormThree Chinese girl.
The little cute old uncle who is our transporter drives only second to that guy whose name escapes my mind as of now. That guy from TopGear,what do we call him? The Stig. right him.

He speeds through speed bumps leaving us half flying.
And makes impossibly sharp turns. Sometimes I forget he's a cute little old uncle and think he's some kind of mad automobile test driver-which in my defense I LIKE-but not in an uncomfortable Avanza. Which is very uncomfortable, I might add.

the journey home adjourns with me reading The Time Travellers Wife. I have yet to put down that book, simply because I have no time to finish it just yet. I am left engrossed in my own thoughts of babymaking and Henry and Kimy and The Meodowlark house, I almost forget that my bag is placed between me and J,leaving him very little space to sit comfortably in,let alone breathe. Embarrassed, I mutter a small sorry and inch closer to the window,where he nods to say thanks. Usually we look and each other and share an awkward but yet totally fitting smile shared by two people who understand the moment of that moment. When Uncle makes gravity defying turns leaving us bumping into each other,grasping hand railings,bags,edges of windows and very seldomnly, each other at the tips and edges of our uniform so we don't make anymore semi awkward touches.

After that the ride is just usually silence. Me back to my book and him to his thoughts.
the sunlight leaves me tired and hungry and eventhough I never get sea,car,plane or -insert anything- sick,it leaves me a little dizzy and I put the book down. I look outside the window guessing peoples life stories and make vast assumptions that the old lady in the floral print batik shirt may actually have some dark past to hide. I pass dark coloured cars,buildings and I see my reflection,if only for a minute, sometimes I look tired but other times I see the longingness in my eyes to somehow break free of this cage I'm in.

What cage?

I'm in front of my house,I can hear my baby dog bark.
I whisper a quiet bye, and thank Uncle and gather my things to leave.
I could get used to this,right?

Sunday, January 24, 2010

I love Carter Baizen and I don't care if ya'll don't!

I'm not dead if that is what everyones thinking.
But burried under all this work,sure feels like it. Sigh,

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

I stared long and unblinking for 15 whole minutes.

I wonder if things like this will ever settle.
Sometimes, I don't believe they do anymore

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

"I need to know, that you're with me"

Why is it so easy to flail out of control.

It's the second day of the second week and I feel so suffocated,
Sitting on the old benches in the RoyalSelangorClub's rest room waiting for Mae to be done with her hair. I kept thinking on how much I actually know about FormFour. Not very much if you wanted to guess.

I've been attempting to do my homework since but I feel a big chunk of myself undid, like a piece of me, the stitches left undone.

I feel as though the clock ticks three times as fast and everything is going, gone before I have firmly placed my grasp on it.

I've been blessed with responsibilities this year and unlike the last year, I do not plan to let anyone down.

I'm not a perfectionist but you could say that I am mostly afraid of the HUMILIATION failure brings, for I am not afraid of failure itself.

I miss the simplicity of sitting in the cabins, watching the sunrise while doing add math.
I miss the chee cheong fun in the canteen, the only thing I eat.
I miss feeling desolate in FormThree when I SHOULD BE paying attention.
I miss the prefects lounge, I used to belong there.
I miss the talks I used to have with "Daddy" Shaun LZQ on religion.
I miss falling asleep on Alex's lap during scouts camp.
I miss talking on the phone with Sophie.
I miss Kak Trina reading my mind.
I miss Callie's random texts.
I miss Nicole's HEHEHAHAHUHU in texts
I miss Ry's big eyes.
I miss Joyce's "I FEEL YOU"

How can you miss something that's right in front of you?
You can.

When you know soon enough, it's going to be taken away from you.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Dear Kesatria,

You have no idea what you have gotten yourselves into.
May I have mercy on your souls.

I do not like when people perceive you to be shallow just because you don't post on whats in the papers.
I just choose not to.

Sunday, January 10, 2010


It's reasons like these that make me want to go.

I don't think I can stay another year mommy.
Think it's time that both of us let go of each other.

-Why do all good things come to an end?

Saturday, January 09, 2010

Pretty cool stuff.

Thursday, January 07, 2010

gaga for gingham

His old school charm melts me like a Popsicle on a summer day

I fall in love with the same things all over again

Sunday, January 03, 2010

back to you.

Vincent and Nick are in Angsana???

Friday, January 01, 2010

Do Happy New Year presents exist?

Azzedine alaia,square neck.

Happy New Year to me,
Happy New Year to me,
Happy New Year to Daena,
Happy New Year to me!