Saturday, May 15, 2010

I'm not actually sure if angry is the right word to use.
It probably isn't. But I'm really sad that mommy is going to Jakarta.
I think my mother is my security blanket cos I don't feel safe when she is around.
And I hate to hate feeling this way,but actually I hate feeling this way anyway (?)

You know stepping into FormFive,I really felt like a lot of things would become simpler.

I dropped Chemistry for English Lit.
BUT Englsih Lit. is as hard as hell (I still love it though please do not misinterpret)

I sort of have this 'unspoken' freedom.
For example,on weekdays,I'm actually not allowed on the laptop but I do anyway.
(the reason why I am not allowed to? My brother doesn't exactly follow the rules so...)
BUT now I get this guilt trip whenever I am on the laptop (Note:I feel guilty but I don't do anything about it)

After loosing 2% of the weight I wanted to loose,I thought eating healthily would help.
But this does not apply because I eat a lot. But then I feel so bad for not eating healthily (see note above) HENCE I eat again.

I had serious prospects on serious studying. Everyday kind of thing. And well it works...for about 20 minutes then I zone out. And then there are days where I am at Chapter SEVENTEEN magazine and basically do not move and...you get the picture.

And basically the list goes on.

I don't want to bore you with the fact that OH BOOHOO MY LIFE IS TERRIBLE. Because it isn't.
And I'm not going to cry and tell you that my life is over because I'm fat. Because it's not/I'm not.

It's just the simpler you think life will be,it will just get back to square one,ie:hard (or harder!?)

BUT what can I do right?
I think I am a lot less dramatic compared to couple years back. YAY?


CANNOT SLEEP.

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