Friday, August 22, 2008

I have never felt the gash so deep before.

"Man this is wrong change is so mummy won't scold you anymore,"

I THOUGHT I was doing something good, something worth doing.
I told him which answers were wrong and that he left out 11 PAGES OF WORK.
If mummy saw that she'd go ballistic,go furious!

I saw the marks on his arm
I felt something heavy in my heart.

"Man you want some aloe vera gel on the marks,"
As non chalantly as ever he coolly replies with a shrug and a simple "No thanks"

I try to give in when and can. In fact I've never been THIS nice in years.
But the words he used were like salt to fresh wounds.
A slow motion of a blunt knife into your skin.
You FEEL it slowly.
Maybe I'm such a pushover that I listen to every word he says and I believe him because I love him.
I do tell him,everyday almost that I love him.
Does he reply?
Yes he does, when he wants something from me.

It's an important year for him.
His first public examination, just a few weeks a way.
Is it his subconcious who refuses to listen to take charge and tell himself,

It may seem like well what does his first public exam mean to him, it is but a tiny mark.
But a tiny mark can ruin the whole journey.
I fear for the future. Evidently his as well but...
is there justice in feeling so bad from doing so good?

I am brave enough to sware that I did not scream at him or shout infedilities to make him abide.
(He did not abide in fact)
The harshest thing I said was probably
"I'm so dissapointed in you,"

It is easy to not believe a stranger you roll your eyes at a stranger.
But well blood does this to you, you can't help but be at your most vulnerable.
How can I not?
I believe every word that leaves his tongue.
From the way I look to the way I am.
It's easy to close your ears to a stranger.
But not if their family..

I take two steps to the mirror.
I've never been so disappointed with him.
But I recall the sour words and wonder should I be disappointed in myself too?

Saturday, August 16, 2008

curiousities of a 9 year old

Okay let me get this straight.

My seemingly very curious cousins asked:

"Kak Maris does it get hurt to be punched in the boobs?"

Not as much as it hurts getting kicked in the nards , love!