I have never felt the gash so deep before.
"Man this is wrong change is so mummy won't scold you anymore,"
I THOUGHT I was doing something good, something worth doing.
I told him which answers were wrong and that he left out 11 PAGES OF WORK.
If mummy saw that she'd go ballistic,go furious!
I saw the marks on his arm
I felt something heavy in my heart.
"Man you want some aloe vera gel on the marks,"
As non chalantly as ever he coolly replies with a shrug and a simple "No thanks"
I try to give in when and can. In fact I've never been THIS nice in years.
But the words he used were like salt to fresh wounds.
A slow motion of a blunt knife into your skin.
You FEEL it slowly.
Maybe I'm such a pushover that I listen to every word he says and I believe him because I love him.
I do tell him,everyday almost that I love him.
Does he reply?
Yes he does, when he wants something from me.
It's an important year for him.
His first public examination, just a few weeks a way.
Is it his subconcious who refuses to listen to take charge and tell himself,
IT'S TIME TO WAKE UP.
It may seem like well what does his first public exam mean to him, it is but a tiny mark.
But a tiny mark can ruin the whole journey.
I fear for the future. Evidently his as well but...
is there justice in feeling so bad from doing so good?
I am brave enough to sware that I did not scream at him or shout infedilities to make him abide.
(He did not abide in fact)
The harshest thing I said was probably
"I'm so dissapointed in you,"
It is easy to not believe a stranger you roll your eyes at a stranger.
But well blood does this to you, you can't help but be at your most vulnerable.
How can I not?
I believe every word that leaves his tongue.
From the way I look to the way I am.
It's easy to close your ears to a stranger.
But not if their family..
I take two steps to the mirror.
I've never been so disappointed with him.
But I recall the sour words and wonder should I be disappointed in myself too?