I didn't fall.but before you walf ya gotta crawl!

Dear fifteen year old me,
Firstly Happy Birthday!
do you remember when you were in primary school and you wanted so bad to come to DJ to become a Dynamite?You still do,perhaps that will never change.Maybe next year you will try out hmm? Anyway before you fell on the ground by doing backflips on your bed you used to love your smile but hate your hair.You begged and pleaded with mum to take you to straighten it and you were so happy! you also did not like your skin tone,your skin in general.But your weight made you happy.You thought guys didn't like you because you were a tomboy and you hated pink and make up and you used your height and "ugliness" to cover up by being a tomboy.But you grew out of that,you realised you can be a girly girl but still mantain the kick-**s 'tude!(which you still have till today and well with a touch of "princess-yness")Now you grow out your then straightened hair,because you want to embrace you natural style,your hair is softer and smoother and your hairdryer collects dusts but you are happy. You still suffer form the odd pimple once in a while but with sufficient sleep and water your skin looks pretty good! You love your skin tone and some of your best friends say you look spanish/latina and you love it.But sometimes you look in the mirror and if it weren't for your superstitiousness you would have punched it with your bare fists till they bleed because you hate the face staring back at you.
The slanted jaw and the disgusting body.
You cry and cry screaming "WHY CAN'T I BE PERFECT!?"
You resort to stuff like starving,dieting butluckily it doesn't work. and you inner chocoholic won't make it easy.So slowly you cut down on carbs which wasn't easy,and in the end you even managed to cut down on desserts too!Though you do treat yourself a little too often at times.
One day in form one you were very stressed with yourself,
Your little heart was so full of hatred,of despise you did what you would have never thought you'd do in a million lightyears.
you punched your cupboard and a photoframe fell to the floor.Luckily the glass only chipped a little.
Heading to the bin you look in the mirror,so unhappy with your self image,closen the little shard to your left wrist.It starts to bleed and won't stop.
Mummy comes in and screams and shouts.You know you've not only hurt yourself but mummy too when she starts to cry.
The night was hell.
But the next day mummy tells you that you must never keep anything negative inside you.
she cries with you and comforts you.
You go to school and tell it to a few close friends but still you are left with a heavy heart when you're lost in the schools social world trying to find where you belong.
You vow to never do something so stupid again.
A boy makes you very very very happy.
The next year you are away from all your friends,but you rekindle old flames with long lost brothers and you love them so much till today.
Infact two of them told you they loved you on stage this year.
The boy makes you sad.
You join the junior prefects and you meet two irritating,annoying num nuts whom you grow to love so very dearly with your heart. You also form from a mutual friendship to an amazing bond with one sister,one Danny Zuco and one chica who has been with you since primary one.The LOVE is formed and so is the amazing friendship.But in the process you meet a lone fellow who once you disliked his harsh ways have opened him up and he began to soften.
The boy makes you very very very so much happier than even the past year but in a totally different way.
The LOVE bought you a black bracelet which you even brought to America because you felt like you could bring them with you!When you lost it everyone thought you had lost the diamond bracelet with the way you were crying,but you showed them the diamond bracelet,so elegantly placed on your wrist,but the sentimental value of the black bracelet could never replace even the most beautiful diamonds to you and that is when you realised your love for these people.
The days pass by and it's another year gone by,
finally your identity crisis is over you can be whoever you want with the friends you are close to now!Your passion for scouts although not at par with most of your friends now are still catching up.You share a piece of your heart with another sister whom you could never land in the same class with.You learn a thing or two from a certain "father" who has although neglected you for a number of years,teaches you the value of God and your love for him in a whole new different light.A certain cub makes you so proud by getting in DYNAMITEZ.You meet a beautiful IBU and two kee-ray-zee chicas in class and form the sistahood of the travelling KASUT.You share a secret moment with a macho macho man and learn that real men DO CRY.You make amends with a certain debater/public speaking-er.YOU LOVE SUJAKOUTURE SO MUCH!The jerk in your class is a good jerk!And you now love many many many LAME scouts who love you too.You join the drama team,first so upset that your best friend got the part but now do not regret AT ALLLLLLLL.You now trust them so much to catch you backwards from the stage,with your thoughts and your secrets.
One vampire makes you happy and then takes it back.But you knew from the start so you didn't even feel sad,you feel happy HE has moved on.
You treasure the trust with a certain MINNIE mouse.
You wonder about the teddy bear who loves you.
you want to have deep talks with a certain "maria trina-pova"
You aim for the highest but now you have to work so much harder.
You plan to make amends with a certain cheerleading kindergarten best friend.
You don't judge people like you did and know whatever it is it's form the heart.
Your parents realise that the friends you have now don't use you some before did.
Everyone on the stairs that night they said they could see in their eyes was true,pure and real.
You want to clarify somethings with an angelic sister you have,but is she even your sister now?You want so many things in your life right now.
And you've achieved so much but what you really want is to look in the mirror,
and beyond all your flaws and say "I DO love myself as much as my friends love me>"
It may not come today not even tomorrow maybe but I promise you,one day you'll get it
and you'll look back and laugh and those who didn't believe you.