There's really no way to reach me

I haven't been very honest with everyone lately.Life hasn't been a bunch of roses,well when has it been.I feel entirely useless,disgusted with myself.
I hate doing this ):
My hands are cold and shaking.
My cheeks are drenched in a sort of rain.Beautiful liquid diamonds slowly dripping across my face.
I bite my lip and tell myself not to cry.
As I stare into complete darkness I silently wonder to myself what has made me this way.
And then I remember the reason.
The reason I'm awake.Awake crying.
I murmur a song softly and tell myself everything will be ok.
But who am I to say?
It hasn't been for a long time.
I want to be happy.
Truly happy.
I want to skip when I walk and beam at you when you look at her.
I want to wink and you and mouth go for it.
But I can't because I know that she doesn't know you the way I do.
I never imagined myself in this position all over again I thought I learnt from my mistake with you years and years ago.
She doesn't know you love her and no one does.Only you and me.
I will never stand in your way to get to her,and I'd probably help you if you ask.
Nobody knows who you are and I will never tell.
I want to be happy for you and get on with my life,but I can't at least not right now.

The day's last one-way
ticket train pulls in
We smile for the casual
closure capturing
There goes the downpour
Here goes my fair thee well

There's really no way to reach me
'Cause I'm already gone.