Dear 2010,

I am currently in my hotel room in Penang,typing on my brother's newer but smaller version of my DELL laptop and struggling with the Caps Lock key since I'm not used to using it. That is because I use the shift key since mine came off (I'm a rough laptop user,SORRY)

I don't think I'll be able to update tomorrow so this will probably be my last of 2009.

I want to tell you about my journey this year.

Most people would agree that Form4/16 would be the turning point in life and I think I can agree to that.

You see I had previously made my mind up to become an ArtsStream student as I hold not much interest to science subjects.

I raised my hand when the teacher asked if any of us wanted to change streams.

I felt that it would be the right choice since,sitting in a classroom of nearly 40 brainiacs,almost all which had gotten straight A's in their PMR exam. I just felt,No this is not me.

And that night,a close guy friend of mine said the wisest words I had heard in ages.

"Stay Daena. Stay in PureScience because you have the potential to study. Being the bottom few in that class is better that not studying at all,"

I thought about it.

Reluctantly I agreed.

Many times (well only when exams were looming around the corner) I felt like a ass for staying in such a class.

Being the assistant monitor,I had to give out the slips for the PMR Prize Giving Ceremony to the entire class.

My eyes filled with tears.

Out of the entire class,less than 10 of us had gotten less than 7A's.

I felt like a failure as I handed out piece by piece,cheerfully calling out my classmates names and clapping in unison to the other students.

BUT,

being in this crazy class made me want to not appear as dumb as I appeared to be.

SO

I studied.

And,I got results.

Not even a quarter of most of my classmates but an amazement for me.

Meeting my class was such...

an amazing thing.

I know a boy who always comments that 4 Angsana is "THE BEST CLASS EVER"

I'm not sure if he's being courteous or he just REALLY hates his class.

But when anyone says that I feel pride and beam simply

"Yes I do"

2009 made me realize that I have 4 special girls in my life.

Who have watched me grow from Form One.

I have fought,cried,slapped,hugged,kissed each one of them.

A simple lunch at BonBons changed my perspective forever.

I have an enormous family.

And have been blessed with wedding after wedding.

Yes I complain of the run throughs,the fittings,the preperations...

But the beauty of it falling into place,makes up for all the hardships.

I have also just recently,been blessed with a baby nephew,and am getting used to being called AUNTY *shivers*

I have rekindled old friendships (HI ASYRAF! etc.) and made new ones (HI HUSI! etc.)

I have made a boy I never thought I would be able to,cry.

I have shishaed.

I got a puppy which is the love of my life.

I have gotten a ride back from a person I began to trust.

I wrote an email to my HighSchool IDOL *SOPH

I highlighted my hair!

I grew to love a certain Abangy whom will never show his love but I know very well does.

I have hurt and have been hurt.

LEO Leadership Camp.

Was an amazing experience.

I will never regret joining LEO.

2010,

2009 gave me the courage to take different steps in life.

It gave me the strength to endure and even to understand and appreciate friendships deeper.

I am not afraid to love the people I truly love but I know that I don't love everyone.

Eventhough I fight and disagree with her,

I love my cousins with my life.

I plan to make up with one I am having a rift with.

And I love my cousin,Kak Trina who has held my hand through life itself.

2010,

God has help me realize that money truly isn't everything.

You see I have wanted a SweetSixteen for a long time and imagined a lavish celebration with acrobats and a marquee and an ice sculpture of myself (or something along the liens of that)

When recession struck the world leaving my poor father to struggle whilst I threw an amazing bitch fit to show my anger.

But I then realized that maybe,I didn't need that.

Maybe I would live.

AND true enough I did.

This year I debated fro the first time and standing there shaking the wits out of myself,I somehow got BestSpeaker in the final round.

I auditioned for Dynamitez and made it through the auditions.

I wrote my first interschool drama script (which reminds me...)

I wrote another script for my schools BM WEEK

I performed once again,making it more than the 5th time I have performed in my school.

I somehow have also managed to survive 4 years of grueling teachers and homework.

I still remember the first day of school

BUT

I can't wait to step into my pinafore again.

2010,

I don't know what you have in store for me next year

Driving,SPM,Prom and all.

I hope I pass driving and don't hit any trees (like I almost did)

I hope to get straight A's for SPM

I don't have to get a prom date,but I want to have fun and be with the people I LOVE.

But please,

Let me soar.

Carpe Diem.

Thank you 2009,you have been.

Breathless

Things to get done.

1. Buy school shoes.
2. Headbands
3. Delete old songs from iPod
4. Sync Papa,Baby,and Mommy's iPod
5. Wax
6. Pack
7. WRITE DRAMA SCRIPT
8. WRITE OTHER DRAMA SCRIPT
9. Do AddMath/Chem homework
10. Crunches
11. Lay off dessert
12. Fix printer (so incapable of doing this)
13. Pass Letter to Ry+Abangy
14. Email Sophie
15. Remind Abang Ned on Javeline
16. Fix my STORM
17. Sell my STORM
18. Buy a WHITE BlackBerry ONYX
19. School bag?
20. Pencil box
21. Cut nails
22. Charge camera
23. Upload photos
24. Pee.
25. Sync my own iPod
26. Figure out how to conceal my highlights
27. Comb Pavlova's hair everyday
28. Get new transport
29. OR convince PAPA on getting a driver
30. Give Ry clothes for boutique
31. Eat Macau egg tarts :D
32. Persuade dearest cousin to make sure I don't have to pay her fling for the eggtarts
33. Pray
34. Did I mention pack

70% of these things will not even be done.

Lets start with number 24 now. (hehe!)

It's 3am and I'm tired and uninspired-mmmm song.

There was no make up or pretty dress.
No sweet alcoholic drinks.
No wild dancing.
No spray stuff.
No glow sticks-man okay I love those things.
No Santarina opportunities.

And I have two snoring-yes YOU BOTH SNORE-cousins beside me.
But you know what,I guess I'm happy (:

love you sluts.

Life is so fragile.

Yet we chew it up and spit it out like it bears no significance.

This does not actually help the fact that I love children.

"OHHHH I WANNA HAVE YOUR BABIES"

I have very protective friends.

I have a very protective friend who is stripping and prioritizing me over his shower :D

I am sleeping alone even after watching Paranormal Activity.

I SO POWER

So amazing

@#!$!%!#% tuition on a holiday.

!#@$!$%!# my brain for NEEDING TUITION.

@!#!$@!@$!@$! LACK OF SLEEP,MY INABILITY TO STOP EATING,TO LOSE WEIGHT...

BLOGGER NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO BE A BITCH.

Happy thoughts,happy thoughts,happy motherchucking thoughts

This means Kak BeeBee's home!

GIMME MY NOSTALGIA,b*tches and hos

This,I miss.

People tell me they don't fall in love,I find that extremely hard to believe.

Humans were meant to crave affection.

As a baby,we cry and squeal for our mothers embrace,for our fathers gentle hush.

We fall in love with the cute boy at the sand box with red shoes and Hot Wheel socks,sand in his hair.

We fall in love with the kindergarten teacher who promises us a date once we are legal.

We fall in love at weddings and supermarkets,

over glasses of wine at fancy French restaurants,where your hands and intertwined with his and you forget the snooty waiter with his annoying accent.

At the checkout line when the person "accidentally" forgets to swipe the 15th item or so.

At the bus stop,he gives way to you and lets you take a seat first.

Your heart and his beat in rhythm at the football game.

His because it's the last 40 seconds.

You because he caught you looking and smiled in your direction.

After the win,you run and jump into his arms,forgetting the cheers and the whistling,in check with only each others heart beat.

We turn to leather whips and handcuffs.

A substitute to the purity.

But we fall in "love" again.

At the movies,

We try to pay attention to the screen but what we're really thinking is

"Is he/she going to kiss me?"/"Does my breath stink of pizza?"/"I wonder whats for supper?"

And we succumb to cliched hands through the popcorn box,the yawn and stretch..

We sit in the air conditioned dark of the cinema hall,light of the camera flickering

watching famous people playing strangers in love

heroes like Peter Parker who loves Mary Jane

but he doesn't love her enough to give up

saving the world in blue and red tights

more than he would love having her ankles wrapped around his waist.

While we involve our emotions in the heartache of fictional characters

The girl at the pop corn booth is in love

With the boy who sold us our tickets

And stares at him at the corner of her eyes.

Who is in love with the girl who sneaked him his first bag of pot

Her ripped up baby tees and bed-hair,her raspy voice

They way she bites her lips when she smiles at him.

Her eyes...did I mention her eyes.

You could get lost in them,her hair. How could we forget.

A sea of black.

And if the world had any compassion left

They'd let them meet on a cold rainy night,unable to get to their cars

Pass back and forth a cigarette until their fingers touched and the girl,

which the bed hair and raspy voice forgot about her promiscuous lovers and fell in love with

the pop corn boy.

Under the flickering fluorescent who was in love with the switch.

Near the tap which was in love with the water that ran through.

We fall in love with the wind.

The inside jokes,when "he" burst out laughing with me teaching me Chemistry.

With perfect teeth,with imperfect teeth.

With lunch dates with friends.

Stamps and envelopes-the licking proves it.

We fall in love with the best friend for a but a moment

when he catches you like,something out of THE NOTEBOOK.

With teachers who talk to you like mothers

With best friends who cry with you in bathroom stalls

With best friends who act like big sisters

Who makes you get up and pray and brush your teeth.

With cousins who sit through 3 hour hair appointments doing nothing but keeping you company and reading old worn out mags.

With fall in love with moments,

with songs

with secret words only we understand-"Colourful"

under the quiet repetition of the ceiling fan under the watchful prying eyes of educational hawks.

Two pigeons kiss on my roof.

Yes I'm aware that I won't be able to stay up for tuition tomorrow.

I was at the dermatologist today.

The same one Lee Chong-Wei goes to HOHO&Em.

Maybe it was the lack of sleep no thanks to those pesky FaceBook updates but...

I was greeted by one of the nurses who was by far the prettiest Asian girl I've ever seen.

And if you guys are even COMPELLED to say that your pretty little SNSD girls are perfect.

By golly are you guys out of your wits.

I think I had a insta-girl crush momento.

You know Shu-Qi,yeah she looks like that. BUT she's a mother of two kids-sense my jealousy-

I tried to take a photo but it was getting a little bit obvious.

Before going into the doctors office for a consultation I needed to pee and she,the nurse (whose name is Joyce by the way) pointed it out for me.

It was down the corridor . Right down. Far down.

You've been to a hospital right? Right.

Watched a hospital horror flick? Where the lights suddenly start flickering and the length of the corridor increases.

Yeah it was like that.

This clinic is in Klang and you know those shop-lots they have in Klang.

In this clinic they perform cosmetic surgeries,tucks,lifts,peels,facials,dermabrations.

Botox,cosmetic dentistry...Loads of those things

So it took up like what? 10 shop-lots. And I'm not even counting the ones below.

When you come up to the entrance,to the counter. It's divided into two areas and a nurse usually directs you where to go.

And since I usually only go there for facials I was brought to that one area.

That place alone has about 20 rooms. So imagine walking down an empty corridor,illuminated by the fluorescent flickering and pristine,somewhat bleached walls pinned with beauty article cut-outs and such.

Passing each room filled with machines used for God-knows-what,God-knows-where.

Call me paranoid but the already air-conditioned environment went chillier as it was.

Quickly I marched to the toilet. I have never peed to fast before and I,for the first time,wished my mommy actually followed me in.

I sped through the corridor as fast as my legs could carry me.

And on my way I passed what looked like...

a cupboard under the stairs!

WHAT was this? Friggin' Harry Potter?

Do people live in there?! Tried to calm myself down by saying thats where they kept the supplies. But I thought of the knives and syringes and I guess you could say that didn't help.

What also didn't help was that the doctor consulting me had obviously taken Botox over a long period of time. I wasn't even sure if he was angry/confused/happy. Lack of facial expression scares me.

It didn't help either that his cupboards which had glass doors embedded on the them,were covered in black paper.

Like he had something to hide.

I went into another office and the glass panels to the cupboards were all frosted.

Which on normal circumstances would have been deemed as a chic choice for furniture,

but why did I feel something not right?

AND WHY WERE THE SYRINGES PLACED SO CONVENIENTLY ON TOP OF THE CUPBOARD!

It's either I am crazy/have an over active imagination or I'm on to something.

I have to go back there,so I'm actually hoping it's the first two.

Today I have taken cleansing to whole new level.

I can't fit any more songs into my damn 1st gen 8GB iPod Touch.

Therefore I'm deleting those that I don't listen to that frequently anymore.

If you must know,I am a confessed pack-rat. I find it so hard to throw things away.

This includes wrappers of candy bars I like...empty bottles of treasured perfume...receipts...

newspaper cut-outs...ancient memorabilia

Yes,even jeans which I CAN NEVER fit into.

Not even with a little help of wishful thinking.

Sigh.

Bye bye old songs.

You know that feeling...

Where you're brimming with things to say.

Just how and should you?

The complexities of the human mind.

I won't talk about you.I have dignity.