vulnerable-secondhand serenade
(if you don't like emo posts.i'm sorry cos you're reading it & i'm too fcuked up to care)
God why did you make me like this?why didn't you make sure i'd always be the perfect child.they told me i was always trying to impress them before God.not anymore.i was a good student and athlete before God.not anymore.i've changed.i'm more selfish,irresponsible,lazy.i got good grades before God.my parents were so proud God.I used to look forward to report card day(not to be boasting)not anymore.life was simpler in primary.was wrong God for me to have a little fun.to enjoy life as well as succeed in it?was i wrong to do so?oh did you not want me to fall in love with anyone?maybe thats why i've cried so bad before.is that why?you've made me hurt so many people and get hurt past few years.i don't understand.everything used to be good back then.life was good.i didn't cry over little things back then.is this s'pose to be a bleesing in disguise?why did you make grandpa leave so early God?why did the ambulance get lost on the way?why didn't we send him to the hospital God?why are you making kutch suffer so much God?sure she was a little spoilt before but why did you make her life so miserable?behind her smiles i know she cries at night.i know she cries herself to sleep.shes one of my idols God why do you make her suffer.shes such a beautiful,hardworking individual God.shes got 2 sisters and a brother to care for don't make her suffer.her life used to be a fairytale God.why did you turn it into a nightmare?i know you can hear me and my thoughts so please don't ignore me.please help me God.i want to make my parents proud again God.i want to see them point and say"thats my daughter up there!"i want to be young and carefree like before God.doing anything without a worry.i don't really have regrets in my life just mistakes that have eventually turned out ok.please bless my family God.please bless my friends especially my sisters who didn't mind me crying all over them till their pinafores and baju kurung got soaked in tears.who listened to me babble about everything and anything.please bless those who offered help and made sure i was ok.(you know who you are)without my family & friends i prob wouldn't be here as there would prob be no point of me alive.please God if this is nonsense please forgive me.forgive for all i have sinned.i want to do better God please allow me to do so.ive got the weight of the world on my shoulders.life is no more childs play.there is so much more pressure.please let this hell i'm living all be over tomorrow God.(to those who have asked whats wrong well this is it.well part of it.)
Amin/Amen
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